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Thread: Alternate methods for acquiring venison

  1. #1
    Member Darreld Walton's Avatar
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    Default Alternate methods for acquiring venison

    One of these stories I ain't so sure about, but the other one, I was an eye witness to.....
    This one was sent to me via email at work today, which reminded me of the REAL events that I'll relate after.

    Deer Roping

    I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, which had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it Took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.

    The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it! As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
    At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

    The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

    Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the Co-Op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling, "What happened?"

    I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear...not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did.

    Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.

    EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the Co-Op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider - a "city folk". I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering, "There is the dumb***** that tried to rope the deer!"


    NOW!!! Here's the REAL DEAL! No kiddin', it actually happened, just west of Lewiston Montana about late August, 1975.
    Our shop was tasked to go into the Minuteman Missile silos when the birds were scheduled to be pulled. A Minuteman III stage assembly sits on a steel ring suspended by cables and springs in the silo. We'd go down in a work cage, attach the cables for the hoist, and attach a 100 foot ground strap to the ring so that the 35 tons of propellant wouldn't react to static with a high order detonation...
    On the way out to the silo, my best friend, Jim H., and another teammate, Tom W., spot a two point mule deer buck standing on the road looking at us. They stopped, it didn't move. Rolled down the window and it stepped toward the truck. They opened the door, and offered it a handful of sunflower seeds, and it ate them out of Tom's hand. Somewhere along the line, Jim and Tom thought that it'd be a good idea to take that 100' ground strap, make a noose, and capture the thing, slaughter and butcher the thing on site during a break, and fill their unused deer tag...As soon as the cable settled onto the little buck's shoulders, it took off like a rocket, straight to the porch of the ranch house about a hundred yards in from the road, and stood at the door. Apparently, the family there had found the orphaned fawn the year prior, bottle fed and cared for it, and it decided to hang around.
    Did I mention that it was fairly important for the missile to be grounded? Did I mention that our one and only ground strap was on the Rancher's pet deer's shoulders, and it was now standing on the porch?
    I could hear the rancher screaming at Jim and Tom over the idling diesel after they requested that the rancher remove the strap and return it to the custody of the USAF.....Sleep Tight Tonight, the Air Force is Awake!

  2. #2

    Thumbs up

    Darreld

    Thanks for making my day.

  3. #3

    Default

    what they never tried to smack one in the head with their Jeff foxworthy,"here's your sign", sign

  4. #4

    Default Oh Yea

    Had an uncle roped a buck once, just about the same thing happened. Got stomped. kicked, cut, gored, but not bit. Since it was early autum he was wearing light clothes, by the time he got loose from the deer he had almost no clothes on at all. Just lots of cuts and bruises for his effort. Are we having fun yet ?
    " Americans will never need the 2nd Amendment, until the government tries to take it away."

    On the road of life..... Pot holes keep things interesting !

  5. #5
    Member whateveri8's Avatar
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    it's one of those "It was a good theory" kind of thing...

    man, that was funny...but at the same time, I felt the pain kind of thing. great one! I've got to pass it around to the guys at work.
    God, Guns and Guts is what made America Great

  6. #6
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    Default awesome

    I don't care if that first one was made up or not....that was some fantastic writing....very very funny, I've had buddies that tried to knife wounded deer to save bullets, arrows etc and got much the same treatment....of course I dared them to do it, but that's beside the point.

    Great post.

  7. #7
    Member Rick P's Avatar
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    Heres a true one for ya. My brother had a jeep scrambler, kinda a chopped off truck, he was coming back from trout fishing on back roads one night and since it was a warm night he had taken the doors off. He stopped at a cross road and before he knew it a deer jumped into the cab with him. It must have been running away from something and did'nt quite clear the truck when it jumped. The critter proceeded to kick and thrash about wildly trying to get off Mike's lap and out of his truck distroying the dash baord and kicking out the windsheild in the proces. Finnally mike gave it a good shove and pushed it out of the truck after wich it pranced off aparently unharmed, unfortunatly mike was not. Luckly he was not far from home when he stepped into the house he was covered in hair and blood and obviously needed to visit the ER. He had to have several stiches in his arm leg and face and it took about $1500 worth of parts and 2 weeks work to get the scrambler road worthy. Never undereastimate the power of a white tail.

  8. #8

    Talking Help! Get me the Police. Thank God for 911.

    If you can find it, it's a great song by Ray Stevens.

    Not only did you make my day Darreld, you gave me the basis for my next lesson and test in my reading classes. If you have to do the grunt work, there's no reason it can't be fun. Thanks again

  9. #9
    Member Darreld Walton's Avatar
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    Default You Wouldn't mean something like...

    The Mississippi Squirrel Revival
    Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
    To visit my granny in her antebellum world
    I'd run barefooted all day long climbin' trees free as a song
    And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
    Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
    And when Sunday came I snuck him into Church
    I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
    When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk
    Well, what happened next is hard to tell
    Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
    But the fact that something was among us was plain to see
    As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
    Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!

    Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
    Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
    Some thought he had religion others thought he had a demon
    And Harv thought he had a weed eater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
    He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
    Unobserved to the other side of the room
    All the way down to the amen pew where sat Sister Bertha better-than-you
    Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee
    But you should've seen the look in her eyes
    When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs
    She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me"
    As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
    She began to cry and then to confess to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
    She told of gossip and church dissension but the thing that got the most attention
    Was when she talked about her love life and then she started naming names

    Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
    Well seven deacons and the pastor got saved,
    Twenty-five thousand dollars was raised and fifty volunteered
    For missions in the Congo on the spot
    Even without an invitation there were at least five hundred rededications
    And we all got baptized whether we needed it or not
    Now you've heard the bible story I guess
    How he parted the waters for Moses to pass
    Oh the miracles God has wrought in this old world
    But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
    Is how he put that Church back on the narrow way
    With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel

    Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They was jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

    Written by: C.W. Kalb, Jr. and Carlene kalb


    Published by: Ray Stevens Music
    1707 Grand Avenue
    Nashville, TN 37212
    Last edited by Darreld Walton; 03-09-2007 at 15:39.

  10. #10
    Member Rick P's Avatar
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    Default

    Have'nt taught of Ray in years I like the wild willy weed song, and the one about his dads jeep slidding off the side of the mountian. "I siad a rock boy what you got there aint no bigger than a grapefruit."

  11. #11

    Default Darreld

    I forgot about the squirrel song. That's funny. The one I was thinking of (if it's possible to be mentioning Ray Stevens and thinking at the same time) is on the Osama Yo Mama album. The gist of the song is that he has an unconscious deer in the back seat of his car when it comes to. It wreaks havoc on the order of your original post and he ends up in the slammer for poaching. I'll have to dig it out and find the words before Murphy shuts us down for not talking about shooting anything but the breeze on his forum. Like Osama my mama must have wrapped my turban too tight, because I can't remember where the darned thing is at the moment.

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