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Thread: Since I write mostly about hunting and fishing adventures, I'll post this thread here

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    Default Since I write mostly about hunting and fishing adventures, I'll post this thread here

    I just sent off some of my stories to the editor at ADN. He asked me what I write about and I told him "Humor and the Outdoors- mostly hunting and fishing". He asked me if I was looking for a job then? I told him, "Sure"!
    I guess we'll see if this turns out to be my first professional rejection, or if we end up moving up to Anchorage so I can write about the humorous side of Hunting and fishing in Alaska.
    Grits

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    Out of curiosity, do you have any experience hunting and fishing in Alaska, or is this experience yet to be determined ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by .338WM View Post
    Out of curiosity, do you have any experience hunting and fishing in Alaska, or is this experience yet to be determined ?

    Oddly enough, I have never hunted in Alaska (I never made the time and have regretted it). Yes, I have fished in Alaska since 1980 (commercially- Crab and Trawl). I have also flown sorties out of Elmendorf, Eilson, Shimya, and Adak for about as long (I used to hang out in Anch when I was young and didn't know any better- Allthough I have a lot of really good stories from that period of my life). I am hoping to hunt for myself this Fall on either POW, or if the money is not too tight, Moose up in 16A.
    So the Alaska hunting "experience" is "Yet to be determined". But I have "Experienced" the fishing plenty. I will be up early this summer for some more fishing "experience" and will hopefully have some more "fuel for the fire" after I get done flailing my flyrod at passing salmon and Grayling. I should add that I have more experience "Flailing" than catching, but the numbers are starting to equal out the older I get. If I have time, I will try to get a feel for the area I hope to hunt on the other side of the inlet, but I'll be with non hunting friends, so not sure how that will shake out.

    How about you, .338? I can see by your avatar that you have gotten some hunting "experience" in. Do you do much fishing?

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    Member SkinnyD's Avatar
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    Write something funny for us.
    Passing up shots on mergansers since 1992.


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    Sure! Where should I put it? Do you want links to some of the stories I have posted on this forum? Be happy to reprint the story of my first hunt with my wife. That was pretty comical (mostly because no one got eaten).

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    Here is the story of "Barney and the Bear". Hope you like it!

    3 years ago I was caretaking a ranch down off the SW corner of Yellowstone up in the Tetons. I was living in the Hand's shack with my wife, little girl and our 7 YO beagle Barney. 3 days after we moved in the neighbor was badly mauled by an 800# boar, but he lived (welcome to the high plateau). Seems the grizzly had buried a kill on the edge of his (the neighbor's) backyard and was rolling around on it in the dark, when my neighbor went out onto his back porch and lit up a cigarette. I guess seeing someone rude enough to fire up a smoke while he was enjoying dinner really P'd old Smokey off and he rolled right up onto the back porch to put out the cigarette (and the neighbor). So, life goes on. About 4 nights later I hear the porch deckboards groaning about 1 in the morning like someone was herding cattle across 'em. So, I got up, put on some clothes, grabbed my rifle and went into my daughters room (where there's a big window that looks out onto the porch). Nothing!
    So I bundle up my daughter and take her to our room in the back. Next night (daughter sleeping in our room still, thank goodness) same thing happens, only this time I got the gun handy and I'm sleeping in PJ's. As soon as I hear the front porch start to groan, I'm out of bed and hoofin it to the porch like I've got a fire under me. I yank the front door open and clear the jam just in time to see one monstrous big brown bear butt fly off the porch into the darkness. Next day (I am now packing my magnum on my hip and my rifle is leaning up at the front porch) I'm out hayin' and trimmin hooves with my Beagle right next to me chewin hooves (he's chewin', I'm trimmin'), when all of the sudden he stretches out like a pointer and and locks up on the willows behind the corrals. That lasted for about 2.5 nano seconds and then the real fun began. He bolts into the willows baying for all he's worth and about .5 nano seconds after that I hear a grizzly roar so loud it sounds like it's coming from inside my own head. Then I hear Barney running around in the willows barking and baying and I mean to tell you he's covering some ground, 10-30 yd.s at a time and just antoganizing this bear. I can literally hear the earth being tore up in there as these two are going round and round. About this time my feet decide that they know how to move after all, and right about the time the 2 thoughts of "Go Grab the rifle" and "How am I going to break my dog's heinous death to my wife" (and trust me, he is her little boy) enter my brain, that dog comes flying out of those willows RIGHT TO ME, with that dang grizzly about a half a step behind him. I don't think I even got the barrel clear of the holster and that dog and that bear wizzed past me like I was the hitchin rail. The dog takes the bear one time around the morton barn and heads back to me but the bear breaks off the chase and wanders into the creek about 200 yards away. That stupid dog sidles up to me like nothing happened but a little redneck fun, gets a drink from the horse trough and starts munchin hooves again. That bear never came back. I found out about 2 days after that, that I had a full grown bull moose living in the old barn beside the corrals. Man, living out there was about as western as you could imagine unless you were sleeping with a badger.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grits Hardway View Post
    I just sent off some of my stories to the editor at ADN. He asked me what I write about and I told him "Humor and the Outdoors- mostly hunting and fishing". He asked me if I was looking for a job then? I told him, "Sure"!
    I guess we'll see if this turns out to be my first professional rejection, or if we end up moving up to Anchorage so I can write about the humorous side of Hunting and fishing in Alaska.
    Grits
    Hey Grits,

    You should take a look at a couple of books by a guy named Bob Bell. They are the "oh no, we're gonna die" books... Bob is a long time Alaskan who has taken some of his less than stellar adventures (IE Funny) and put them in the books... the second book inlcudes stories about other people's adventures up here.... He is not a writer by trade, he's actually an engineer but the books are pretty funny.
    There is another book by Rick Rydell that is based in some funny hunting stories.

    I think a good writer could certainly take this topic and really do something great with it.... good luck working with the Daily Rag... I mean news... :-)

    Greg

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    Are you a real person or is this a scam to get our credit card numbers for a "book club?" Palin has a character on here who tries to sell books for her, so it's not outside as far-fetched as it might have been a couple of years ago.

    No, in all seriousness, you're a pretty talented writer. I sniffed around and found one of your stories about a guy taking a dump in the woods and really enjoyed it. I want to write a book myownself, so perhaps you can tell me what snags you are encountering.
    Passing up shots on mergansers since 1992.


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    Pretty Great Story there, I'd go for some links to your other stories,

    Congrats on the job with the paper

    PS only critiqueing as you are a writer already,
    but, I gotta call you on the "Wall of text" thing for online posting,
    you gotta get paragraphs in there, break it up a Whole Lot more or it's kinda torturous to the reader

    Thanks for the story tho, i'm up for more,
    By the way,
    How did that work out flying sorties over Adak and Shemya while Crabbing and Trawling, since the eighties,
    just a little curious,

    I was Crabbing and Longliining all through the eighties out west, who'd ya work with? Got any stories 'bout all that?
    Ten Hours in that little raft off the AK peninsula, blowin' NW 60, in November.... "the Power of Life and Death is in the Tongue," and Yes, God is Good !

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    Skinny, TFF. No I am a real member (just ask the people who know me. LOL)
    My biggest obstacle in writing is "Me". I'm lazy and unmotivated by nature, so actually sitting down and pounding out the book I am working on is like pulling teeth out of an angry alligator. My advice would be to go ahead and put something together and give it a run. If nothing else, you'll get some good stories out of it! Take a look at the story of my first hunting trip with my wife, if you get a chance. That is an honest to goodness true story.

    AKGreg; I read those guys books last year. I thought they were pretty humorous. I thought it was great that those guys could laugh at themselves in some of the stories. I like that. I have to laugh at myself, too (mostly 'cause I'm my own best material when it comes to stupidity)

    Kodiak: Sorry about the "Wall of text". I actually don't write that way, I didn't want to PeeO people on the forum by taking up to much space. I will do it the "Normal" way from now on. To answer your questions: I was in the USAF in the late 70's, early 80's- and when I got out I worked for Transpac Int'l Ind. out of Ballard. I worked on the Arctic Trawler and on the Penguin. I was a loadmaster in the AF and we supported the Alaska AFB's with heavy cargo lift. Went back into the AF in the late 90's and would pull sorties into Elmendorf and Eilson periodically until I separated for the last time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grits Hardway View Post
    Oddly enough, I have never hunted in Alaska (I never made the time and have regretted it). Yes, I have fished in Alaska since 1980 (commercially- Crab and Trawl). I have also flown sorties out of Elmendorf, Eilson, Shimya, and Adak for about as long (I used to hang out in Anch when I was young and didn't know any better- Allthough I have a lot of really good stories from that period of my life). I am hoping to hunt for myself this Fall on either POW, or if the money is not too tight, Moose up in 16A.
    So the Alaska hunting "experience" is "Yet to be determined". But I have "Experienced" the fishing plenty. I will be up early this summer for some more fishing "experience" and will hopefully have some more "fuel for the fire" after I get done flailing my flyrod at passing salmon and Grayling. I should add that I have more experience "Flailing" than catching, but the numbers are starting to equal out the older I get. If I have time, I will try to get a feel for the area I hope to hunt on the other side of the inlet, but I'll be with non hunting friends, so not sure how that will shake out.

    How about you, .338? I can see by your avatar that you have gotten some hunting "experience" in. Do you do much fishing?
    I have done a great deal of fishing, both commercial and sport, in alaska. I have been a resident for 34+ years though my fishing pursuits/interestes have waned some, due basically, to big mouths and crowding. Alaska has changed dramaticaly in the time I have lived here, but I guess the same can be said of anyplace.

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    Yeah, I have actually been hearing that for over 30 years (since the first time I came to Alaska). BTW, I didn't get the job (at the newspaper), so can't afford to move there.....yet. I would post the story, but it is not hunting or fishing related, so I will have to just find a place for it in my book.

    I am still hopeful that I will have the opportunity to live in Alaska, though. I'm just hoping I get the chance before "they" close the borders.
    Grits

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    Very enjoyable story, Grits. I really needed a chuckle, my weekend has been moving tons of snow so my garage roof doesn't cave in and my two labs' kennels don't collapse. I'm at the point where I'm talking to the animals and expecting them to answer. The high point of the weekend was picking a fight with my wife's pet banty rooster. We both needed the exercise...

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    Grits, try the Kodiak Daily Mirror,

    we could use some good humorous writing like you are putting out there,
    not sure what they could pay but you could probably get some books together like that

    I agree with ND there, your story was a refreshing laugh, good for the deep winter.

    Keep trying to come up is what I am suggesting
    Ten Hours in that little raft off the AK peninsula, blowin' NW 60, in November.... "the Power of Life and Death is in the Tongue," and Yes, God is Good !

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    Well, I suppose I am going to get a few people upset by puttin' this in on this thread- but here is the story of my rejection from the Anchorage Daily News;

    The Story of My First Professional Rejection in Journalism

    Well, I imagine there are those misfits among us who are fledgling writers, and who may one day have to face this same traumatic event. So I thought I would share with you the story of my first professional rejection in journalism. Hopefully, my story of crushing defeat will give you hope, and encourage you to get right back up every morning, and continue to go back to your day job.

    I had been writing short stories for some time, and had received no small amount of encouragement from the folks who read my prose. Admittedly, these were mostly people who had “eccentric” personalities, and who were prone to talking to (and laughing at) themselves in public- sometimes for no apparent reason (in other words; Texans and family members). I would constantly get positive feedback from them, such as “Man, you sure are full of it!” and “I guess those six years you spent in high school weren’t really wasted after all” and my personal favorite- “Boy your writing stinks so bad, it could knock a turkey buzzard off a crap wagon!” (Thanks, Mom!).

    I must admit that all of this superfluous praise started going to my head, and I began to think that a career in journalism was a distinct possibility. Then two events occurred shortly after Christmas in 2010 that would solidify my resolve and lead me to action.

    First, I read a book by a well known author that was so dry and depressing that I had to smear peanut butter on my nose so my dog would lick my face and cheer me up (Oh come on! Don’t tell me you’ve never cheered yourself up that way…O.K., well if you haven’t, we’ll just keep that one to ourselves ). I started thinking “Man. If this guy can sell books by writing junk like that, the public would probably welcome my writing with open arms.

    Second, I read the most amazing thing in my horriblescope! It said that (and I’m quoting here) “After the first full moon of the New Year, the Sun will move out of its hard angle to Ur anus, and the planets will align to shower you with gifts. If you have ever thought of making a career in Journalism, now is the time to take a leap of faith and submit your material to a professional. You will not be disappointed in the results.” It went on to say something about buying two lottery tickets and that I had a brilliant future if I just sent $10 to the address printed at the bottom of the page (which I did).
    Now, I was honestly unaware that the Sun was at such an egregious angle to my anus (I never felt any discomfort from it), but here was written proof that the stars were aligning, and I was going to finally have the future I had always imagined. I immediately pulled out my best short stories and set about finding the “Professional” that was going to recognize my true talent and take me into the “Big Time”.

    But, where was I going to find this “Professional” and how should I go about deciding who should be the lucky individual that I graced with the opportunity to discover me?
    I thought first that I should go to the local newspaper editor because I lived just up the block from the newspaper and could easily run down there to sign my first big contract. I also figured my close proximity to Wal-Mart would be convenient for book signings and publicity tours. But then I came to my senses and realized that I would never get any rest with the papar***i hounding me all the time. I mean, let’s face it, it’s a small town and everyone knew where I lived.

    Then my sharp writer’s brain struck upon the solution that was clearly the best answer; I would find out who the editor was of the largest newspaper in Alaska and let him “discover me”! My reasoning was sound- heck everybody knows those people in Alaska spend half the year in total darkness, and when they DO finally get out of their igloos come spring, they will be DYING to get their hands on well written and humorous writing such as mine. Heck, I would be saving those poor Alaskans from having to rub peanut butter on their noses. Besides, it’s Alaska and there was a darn good chance that the editors of their newspapers spent just as many years in high school as I did.

    It took about five minutes of hard searching until I finally Googled “Phone number for the editor of Alaska’s largest newspaper” and came up with the phone number for Pat Dougherty. I called, and he picked up on the second ring (another sure sign that these folks were knee deep in darkness and despair, and that my benevolence was much needed in Alaska). “Mr. Dougherty” I asked? He said “Yes?” I said “My name is Grits Hardway, and I believe that you will like my writing. I would like to send you some of my stories, and then I will be happy to entertain any offers you have for the rights to publish me”.

    He sounded eager to hear about my, as yet, undiscovered talent. “What kind of writing do you do” he asked? I responded proudly that I was a “Humorist” and an Outdoor Writer. I knew that would impress him. He said “You’re looking for a job, then?” I laughed to myself at his naiveté. “Yes Sir! I am willing to send you some of my best material so that you may see that I am a serious writer.” “If you’ll just give me your email address, I’ll send it to you right now.” He immediately gave me his email address.
    I sent him my best material- sharp in wit, artful in prose, and comically masterful. I included a brief note at the bottom of my masterpiece which explained that I would follow up with him in the morning, and that I looked forward to hearing his honest opinion of my work (knowing as I did that he would be ebullient in his praise, and thankful that he was the one to be able to “discover” me). I slept fitfully that night, dreaming of how I would handle my contract negotiations with the newspaper.

    I called “Patrick” late the following morning, wanting to give him ample time to bask in his good fortune. Again, he answered on the second ring (Man, the darkness must be hell on those people).“Patrick, my good man”, “I imagine you received my stories, and have had ample opportunity to review my burgeoning talents?!” “Is this Mr. Hardway” He asked? I told him it was, and waited for the flowery praise to begin. “I read your stories.”, “To insure that my eyes weren’t deceiving me, I had two of my best staff writers review them as well”. Wonderful! I thought. They will all know of my brilliance! He continued- “I have been the editor here for over seven years. And in all that time, I have NEVER, EVER, read such dry, humorless and depressing drivel!!!” “Why, I had to rub peanut butter on my nose just to get the dog to lick my face and cheer me up!” “Don’t call me again, you Moron! Or I’ll have you arrested for harassment!”

    Well, some people just don’t know good writing if it bit them on the ankle, I decided. I would try to find the phone number for the editor of Hawaii’s largest newspaper.
    Everybody knows that those Hawaiians are one step away from heat stroke and God knows THEY will be able to recognize my talent!

    First I had to see how much I won with the lottery tickets.

    Grits Hardway

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