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Thread: BEAR bickering thread...(and Bear JOKES)

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    Member arizonaguide's Avatar
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    Default BEAR bickering thread...(and Bear JOKES)

    It is SO FUNNY that we spend more time bickering about BEAR protection on this forum. Heck it is a lot of fun...but LuJon puts it in great perspective.
    Quote Originally Posted by LuJon
    Who honestly cares about what is in another guys gun? Take what makes you feel comfortable and enjoy the AK wilderness.

    We spend more time arguing over what firearm for bear protection than we do on how to hunt Delta bison, and believe it or not you are more likely to draw the dang bison tag than DLP a bear! Why not a 10 page thread on chevy vs ford safety restraint systems since you are 100 + times more likely to die in a car wreck driving to your hunting area than you are being killed in the woods by a bear.
    That is SO true.

    But, we all know we do it just for fun...so here's a thread to get it started and we can just come here to bicker or trade BEAR DEFENSE jokes.

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    Member arizonaguide's Avatar
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    SO, I'll start...with the old classic.

    Two guys sitting at the Bar talking about handguns for bears.
    The one guy turns to the other "pal, if you're going to carry that .40S&W for bear protection...you better file down that front site."

    Other guys asks "why"...

    Relpy: "So it doesn't HURT so much when the bear shoves that .40S&W up your rear end".

    -----------------------------------
    Another favorite:
    .22 pistol minimum recommended for old trick of shooting buddy in the foot, then outrunning him (leaving him as a distraction for the bear).

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    good post there bud ..have a safe 4th

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    Member arizonaguide's Avatar
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    Thanks Henry, and remember to take your Bells with you hiking out there with you folks!
    -------------------------

    Advice is to wear hiker's bells clipped to your backpack (so as not to "startle" the Bear), and carry pepper spray.
    This makes it easier to find you.

    All the rangers have to do is look for Bear Scat that has little bells in it, and smells like pepper.


    --------------------------
    DON'T cook bacon for dinner on top of the cooler next to the tent, splatter bacon grease over your hands and everything else, then crawl into your warm sleeping bag and go to sleep.

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    Supporting Member Amigo Will's Avatar
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    Kinda like saying who realy cares what anyone else in the world is doing now get out of my square
    Now left only to be a turd in the forrest and the circle will be complete.Use me as I have used you

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    Moderator LuJon's Avatar
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    I don't care if you fry bacon in YOUR tent just don't do it in MINE!

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    Quote Originally Posted by LuJon View Post
    I don't care if you fry bacon in YOUR tent just don't do it in MINE!
    Yup! Or even NEAR mine.

  8. #8

    Default 22 Rim Fire

    Have never had to out run a bear, but did have to outrun my buddy a couple times, but with those big long legs of his the 22 helped me out a lot.

    Think thats right, also lots more likely to get bitten by a dog than a bear!

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    Quote Originally Posted by LuJon View Post
    I don't care if you fry bacon in YOUR tent just don't do it in MINE!
    Reminds me of another joke:

    Alaskan Divorce.

    An alaskan divorce is when you take your sweetheart out fishing, and make camp.

    Then you say "Honey, after that long drive you go ahead and finish your nap...I'm gonna go drown a worm" (fish).

    Then as you leave to go fishing, you lay 2 strips of RAW bacon across the top of the tent.

    I hear it works every time. (joking people...just joking! Do NOT try that at home)

    ------------------------------
    In all seriousness:

    EDUCATION/AVIODANCE is what I'm saying. I'm sick when one of my treasured Alaska Brown bears (and maybe cubs too) are destroyed because someone doesn't follow the rules of the Bush. They are not the "enemy", but a national treasure, and they are all but extinct in the lower 48 states. Hopefully we can be smarter than the bears (in the future), and not HAVE those "emergency" (so-called "self-defense") situations.

    It's TRAGIC to me, if anyone (people or bear) are killed in a situation that SHOULD have been avoided.
    Sympathy for the bear? HELL YES! You are supposed to be smart enough to look out for, and protect him with your education to his ways, superior intellect, and skills as a hunter.

    Get training, Be SAFE, Enjoy the wilderness. Always bring a camera.

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    The Bear Necessities
    Bear Safety tips from the Alaska Dept of Natural Resourses, and the Alaska Dept of Fish and Game

    Travel Smart
    Always be "bear aware". At trailheads look for posted signs about recent bear activity. Watch ahead for bears or for tracks. Donít surprise bears. Make plenty of noise when traveling. Hiking in groups is safer than hiking alone.

    Roaming/unleashed Dogs can be trouble in bear country. Their curiosity has brought back bears to their owners more than once. It is best to leave your dog at home or keep it on a leash.

    Know the difference between black and brown bears. Both black bears and brown or grizzly bears live in areas where there are state parks. Use more than the fur color for identification. There are cinnamon black bears and black brown bears.

    Never leave food out when not in use. Store food in your vehicle or a bear-proof locker.
    Use bear-proof garbage cans or dumpsters for your garbage.
    Keep your camp clean and odor free.

    Choose your campsite carefully. Do not camp near a trail, salmon stream, animal carcass, garbage, or any backcountry metal firepit (others may have left food odors). Do camp in a tent in an open quiet area where you can see and hear nearby wildlife and where they can see and hear you.

    Cook at least 100 feet away from camp, downwind. Do not cook near your camp, cook smelly foods, sleep in clothes with food odors, or bring any food or lotions into your tent. Store food, pots, lotions, clothes with food odors, and trash away from camp. If there are trees, cache your food out of a bearís reach (see below). If there are no trees, hang food off of a rock face or a bridge, or store it out of a bearís sight off the trail and downwind of camp.

    Pack out all trash. Do not bury garbage - bears have very keen noses and can find buried garbage.

    Use a tent. Do not sleep in the open.

    Use a Food Cache - All you need is 100 feet of light line, a small weight to attach to the end of it (a plastic bag with a rock in it works fine), and food bags that you can tie to the line. Youíll never have to climb a tree again!

    1. Select 2 trees at least 20 feet apart. Throw the weighted end of the rope over a branch about 17 feet above the ground.
    2. Tie the line to the trunk of the first tree. Throw the weighted end of the line over the branch of the second tree.
    3. Attach your food bag to the middle of the line, and pull it up and adjust so it is centered, at least 12 feet above the ground.
    4. Tie the other end of the line to the second tree. To access food, just let it down. To re-cache it, pull it back up.

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    Default Back to the Bear Jokes...

    ...you've got to ask yourself one question...
    I know what you're thinking, Bear: 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Ya know...to tell you the truth, (in all this excitement) I've kinda lost track myself.

    But being this is a .44 Magnum, (the most powerful handgun in ALL-the-whole-great-big-wide-every-bit-of-the-whole-darn world), and
    would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?'

    Well...do ya, BEAR?

    click. click, click...

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    In the 41 years I've been in Alaska i've been charged by moose (twice) more than I've been charged by bear(never). So from my viewpoint I'm more wary of being tap danced on by a moose, than being swatted by a bear. Most knowledgable people have told me that bear will typically run away. Moose don't seem that smart.
    "A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise, and independence to the mind."

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    Yup, the reports are that Moose kill more folks in Alaska than Bears, but I wonder if that statistic includes when you hit them with your car.

    Bears are still the animal that most people fear the most, I guess.
    And I guess that's why so much of the "fuss". Because of the fear.

    But as LuJon points out is about the odds.

    Following the best "bear awareness" practices, as well as bringing enough gun (that you will actually carry with you) is just like making sure you fasten your seatbelt before you take the more dangerous DRIVE to the Alaska wild. It's about the odds, and comfortably assesing and minimizing the risks. Hopefully we can be smarter than the bears, and use our superior intellect and skills as "outdoorspeople" to not HAVE those "emergency" surprise situations that endanger ourselves and our family and the Bear.

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    this weekend we went camping and i found it to be little stange dealing with people who had no idea about keeping animals out of the camp site we had picked .. but also with a couple of the people ask why we did some things about moveing the cooking area away from the sleeping area..we went up as a group of couples for a weekend outing

    my girlfriend had come down for the week to spend time down here with me and we had set up camp and set up the cooking area away from camp ..the people that we where with asked why and we both said at the same time.. bears.. they go this is southern ca and they do not have a problem with bears that much ..my girl said this it only takes one time for you to mess up and bring the animal into the camp and who fault is yours or the animal .. so it better to be a little smart about where and how you cook your food and where you place your sleeping tent at ..

    the one couple who was with us thought is was stange that after handleing anytype of food items we would wash our hands and make sure the smell of food was off them before handleing anything that was in the sleeping area where we had pitched our tent for the tent ..

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    Quote Originally Posted by arizonaguide View Post
    Interesting. I wonder if the "In tent" folks were applying it as repellent?

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    Member Float Pilot's Avatar
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    The only close calls I have had with Alaskan Bears since 1959, were when I was chasing them off or cornering them as part of my job. (Law Dawging)
    It was usually some poor bear stuck in somebody's basement or some other weird thing.


    Although back around 1970 or 71, a friend and I went hunting / fishing / camping up along one of the forks of the Anchor River.
    We had made a pole and spruce-bough lean-to type shelter and had passed out after consuming a six pack of PBR and a half bottle of brandy we had swiped from one of our dads.

    Unfortunately we had also been roasting a bunch of moose sausage that we had taken from his moms smoke house.
    When I looked out of the lean-to entrance around zero-dark-thirty, my flashlight lite up the eyes of three little black bears who were busy eating all of the sausage and anything else they could find.
    Two 15-year-olds can haul a lot of food out to a weekend camp site.

    I yelled and threw a couple cans of peaches at them,,,but the bears told me to go back into the shelter and shut my mouth... I think they took the canned peaches too.

    We ended up walking back into town hung-over and hungry. Served us right...
    Floatplane,Tailwheel and Firearms Instructor- Dragonfly Aero
    Experimental Hand-Loader, NRA Life Member
    http://site.dragonflyaero.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by henry2 View Post
    this weekend we went camping and i found it to be little stange dealing with people who had no idea about keeping animals out of the camp site we had picked .. but also with a couple of the people ask why we did some things about moveing the cooking area away from the sleeping area..we went up as a group of couples for a weekend outing

    my girlfriend had come down for the week to spend time down here with me and we had set up camp and set up the cooking area away from camp ..the people that we where with asked why and we both said at the same time.. bears.. they go this is southern ca and they do not have a problem with bears that much ..my girl said this it only takes one time for you to mess up and bring the animal into the camp and who fault is yours or the animal .. so it better to be a little smart about where and how you cook your food and where you place your sleeping tent at ..

    the one couple who was with us thought is was stange that after handleing anytype of food items we would wash our hands and make sure the smell of food was off them before handleing anything that was in the sleeping area where we had pitched our tent for the tent ..
    GREAT POST, Henry!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Float Pilot View Post
    We had made a pole and spruce-bough lean-to type shelter and had passed out after consuming a six pack of PBR and a half bottle of brandy we had swiped from one of our dads.
    Great post, FP!

    The sickest I ever got drinking was Brandy stollen from Dad's cabinet.
    FUNNY! That's the reason that Brandy was in Dad's cabinet...cuz it was so sweet/sickening he never drank it. TO THIS DAY if I go into a room and someone is drinking peach/apricot/blackberry/whatever brandy...I start to get sick from just the smell of it and have to leave the room.
    (30 years later!)

    My stomach hurts now, just thinking about it.

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