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Thread: CowboyHunting...

  1. #1
    Moderator kingfisherktn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Ketchikan, AK

    Default CowboyHunting...

    This one is to funny to delete right away...........Had to pass it
    on, so everyone could at least have 1 good laugh today!!!!

    Thanks to a fellow forum member for sharing this, thanks Al!


    Actual letter from someone who farms and writes well!* (also attested
    to by an Idiot witness as what happens when "dead" deer get up..)

    I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
    it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

    The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that,
    since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much
    fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up
    and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4
    feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and
    toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport
    it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
    cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were
    not having any of it.

    After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a
    likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my
    rope.. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

    I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
    good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
    tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

    I took a step towards it... it took a step away. I put a little tension
    on the rope and then received an education.

    The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
    there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action
    when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED.

    The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
    stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
    could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

    A deer -- no chance.

    That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no
    controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.

    As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground,
    it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an
    idea as I had originally imagined.

    The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
    me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up.

    It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by
    the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had
    lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil
    creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it
    would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no
    love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing,
    and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
    cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various
    large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think
    clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared
    some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I
    didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get
    it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I
    had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

    I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope

    Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
    have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised
    when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of
    my wrist.

    Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
    they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head
    --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
    draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead.

    My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking
    for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

    I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
    by now), tricked it.

    While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached
    up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my
    final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
    their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and
    their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that,
    when an animal -- like a horse -- strikes at you with their hooves and
    you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud
    noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually
    cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would
    not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
    strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

    The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
    horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
    you in the back of the head.

    Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice
    as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it
    hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
    immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
    passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
    you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
    your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

    So now I know why, when people go deer hunting, they bring a rifle with
    a scope to sort of even the odds.

    Last edited by kingfisherktn; 08-13-2009 at 06:40. Reason: punctuation

  2. #2
    Member Vince's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Fairbanks most the time, Ancorage some of the time,& on the road Kicking Anti's all the time


    lol i still have that one too...!!!!!!!!!!!!
    "If you are on a continuous search to be offended, you will always find what you are looking for; even when it isn't there."

    meet on face book here

  3. #3
    Member FishingBum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    North Pole

    Thumbs up Funny

    That was a good one. To funny


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