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Thread: Interview With a Custom Rifle Maker (comedy)

  1. #1
    Member mainer_in_ak's Avatar
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    Default Interview With a Custom Rifle Maker (comedy)

    Blabbercrap & Ammo Magazine (BS&A Mag.):
    "Hello "Tedious" Tim McMillionth, we have come to you today to interview you about your marvelous and highly accurate rifles."
    Tedious Tim:
    Hello BS&A mag. staff, let me take off my custom microscope glasses that I made myself, they do have an exceptional field of view and they have 102.00000001% light tranmission.
    BS&A Mag.:
    Ah........ok. So anyways........Tell us a little bit about your shop and any special equipment that you use to construct your rifles.
    Tedious Tim:
    Well......it's just me hand constructing everything, I fired all of the staff and sold all the inaccurate CNC machines to Kimber. The two technicians that worked for me were showing up to work about .03 of an MOA.....I mean minute late for work.
    BS&A Mag.:
    What special process do you use in constructing the barrels of your rifles? You must have some special process considering that your rifles have a one-hole group with Wolf ammo gaurentee and a paper target to prove it.
    Tedious Tim:
    Well......my barrels are made of the highest quality stainless steel that can be found anywhere in the world. I cut the barrel blanks to 28 inches and send them to Anarctica (only in the winter) to be nitrogen purged. Since it's like 100 below zero.........the nitrogen stays on the barrels longer and they are stressed relieved at a much lower temp. for a longer period of time than the other guys. We don't even want to go into the process of cutting the rifling......you wouldn't understand or comprehend that process, not to mention......you will need the space in your magazine for the "Election Alert" and Swift Boat articles.
    BS&A Mag.: HEY, this isnt about politically biased articles, this is about Guns! Stay on subject Tim! So what special processes do you have for your actions?
    Tedious Tim:
    Well.....They are naturally made of a solid billet of titanium mixed with chrome, cryptonite, and other various chemicals and metals that I can't disclose at this time. I used to "blueprint" the actions but that gimmick phrase doesn't work anymore with customers so I have my own process called "The Three Part Accurizing Process" I basically calibrate every piece of the action with a micrometer, caliper, microscope glasses, and other various tools that are all calibrated to .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 01 of an inch. Then.....I send them to a Shaimen in Africa to be blessed for over a week. The Third part of the accurizing process is to assemble the barreled action together using the "Dark Room" where no light, noise, humidity, germs, or Democrats can penetrate.
    BS&A Mag.:
    What is the scariest thing that has ever happened in your shop?
    Tedious Tim:
    Well.........One day.......during my three day bore scoping process where I go over the rifling for three 10.0000001 hours a day, I was on the third and final day of the bore scoping process. I discovered a microscopic tool mark rougly half way into the bore I dropped the rifle and fell to the ground and fainted. When I came to.....one of my technicians that used to work with me got within 3.0000010025 ft. And I hollered to him: NOOOOOOOO! GET AWAY FROM THE RIFLE BEFORE YOU GET AFFECTED WITH THE BAD ACCURACY GERMS! But it was too late.......he touched the rifle and I had to fire him. I called authorities, they cordoned my house off and disoposed of the infected rifle. What was your scariest thing to ever happen to you guys at BS&A Mag.?
    BS&A Mag.:
    Well.........considering we have like 5 or more typos and blantantly false tidbits of info like every issue, every month...........we don't really care. We never have scary days.......the boss man pretty much gave up on us and factors in the collateral damage. But one day......I dropped a brand new Kimber off the desk that was to go up for review........it was kind of scary......but it grouped better and stopped jamming afterwards and it all worked out ok. Another day......I accidentally backed over a Model 9410 wichester shotgun that was up for review. It was a little scary but I thought.......oh well Winchester is going out of business anyways.....who cares.

  2. #2
    Member mainer_in_ak's Avatar
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    does anybody comprehend this rediculous humor?

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    Quote Originally Posted by mainer_in_ak View Post
    does anybody comprehend this rediculous humor?
    The original version said that the scariest thing that had ever happened in the shop was someone brought in a BLR in 358 & said they wanted it accurized & made dependable. At that time the "master", Tedious Tim, realized he was indeed NOT God & that some things were beyond even his abilities... Suicide watch followed for days....








    Vance in AK.

    Matthew 6:33
    "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

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    Sponsor ADfields's Avatar
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    I enjoyed it but did not know what to say about it.

    Vance for accuracy I will put either of my BLR's agents any other lever action with the single excepting of the Winchester model 88! You gonna push it on out to 500 yards or more with your 45-70 Marlin?? A very nice 300 Savage in a model 99 may hold its own out there, but I aint all that worried about it. .308 in a BLR is not a bad rifle to take up such a challange with!
    Andy
    On the web= C-lazy-F.co
    Email= Andy@C-lazy-F.co
    Call/Text 602-315-2406
    Phoenix Arizona

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    Quote Originally Posted by ADfields View Post
    I enjoyed it but did not know what to say about it.

    Vance for accuracy I will put either of my BLR's agents any other lever action with the single excepting of the Winchester model 88! You gonna push it on out to 500 yards or more with your 45-70 Marlin?? A very nice 300 Savage in a model 99 may hold its own out there, but I aint all that worried about it. .308 in a BLR is not a bad rifle to take up such a challange with!
    Well you had to be in on the other posts to understand the humor involved (and the was a clue too!).

    BUT, I know several folks that routinely shoot sub MOA groups with their Marlin 45-70 & 450 Guide Guns. The problem then becomes trajectory not accuracy so it's a cartridge question, not a rifle question. Make the BLR a 450 and you'll have a race.
    I have no doubt the new Marlins in 308 & 338ME can give the BLR in 308 a run for it's money at extended ranges.
    And I have to say I've never owned (or met) a Savage mod 99 I didn't like (or that wouldn't shoot!). Love em!
    Vance in AK.

    Matthew 6:33
    "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

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    Member mainer_in_ak's Avatar
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    I'll take both of you guys no problem......with my 7600 carbine in 308. It jams on average about twice per reload, and prints 4" groups @ 100yds. with match grade ammo and a Burris tactical scope! Should be a good match for a Marlin Right?

  7. #7
    Member mainer_in_ak's Avatar
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    Found a great deal on a Marlin XLR: just passing along the wealth.

    I couldn't help myself and did reply to the classified: http://forums.outdoorsdirectory.com/...675#post480675

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    Quote Originally Posted by mainer_in_ak View Post
    I'll take both of you guys no problem......with my 7600 carbine in 308. It jams on average about twice per reload, and prints 4" groups @ 100yds. with match grade ammo and a Burris tactical scope! Should be a good match for a Marlin Right?
    If I'm the one shooting the Marlin it will be
    Vance in AK.

    Matthew 6:33
    "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

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