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Thread: Some fishing humor to tide us through

  1. #1

    Talking Some fishing humor to tide us through

    Two men are out fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

    Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

    Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."
    We never really grow up, we only learn
    how to act in public

  2. #2

    Talking On Satuday Morning

    I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap."
    We never really grow up, we only learn
    how to act in public

  3. #3

    Talking Thanx!

    That is priceless.....

    I needed that this morning!!

  4. #4
    Moderator kingfisherktn's Avatar
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    A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

  5. #5
    Moderator kingfisherktn's Avatar
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    1) You have a herring dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
    2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your boat.
    3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
    4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
    5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
    6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
    7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
    8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
    9) You have a photo of your 100 lb. halibut on your desk at work instead of your family.
    10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
    11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
    12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
    13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
    14) Your $60,000 boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
    15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your boat will fit in the garage.
    16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

  6. #6

    Talking Married Life

    The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits down in a daze, breathing rapidly, heart racing. The counselor turns to the husband and says, "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?" The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday's is my fishing day."
    Last edited by Daveinthebush; 09-24-2008 at 11:05. Reason: language
    We never really grow up, we only learn
    how to act in public

  7. #7

    Talking New Salesman

    One Friday, a young man was hired by a local SEARS. Once he completed his training his manager took the rest of the afternoon off but told the boy he would be back later to check on his sales volume. When the manager returned later that same day he asked the boy "So how many customers did you sell to this afternoon?" "One" the boy plied. "Only one!" the manager exclaimed "That's terrible, most of my new employees averge at least 12 customer sales in their first shift! How much was the sale?" "$150,041.99" said the boy. His manger stared at him in in disbelief. "How did you sell $150,041.99 in merchandise to just one customer!?" "Well" the boy said "I sold him a fish hook for $1.99, and he told me his fishing rod was quite old so I took him to the fishing rods and sold him a new one for $40.00. Then the man told me he doesn't have a boat to fish in so I took him to the boat show room and sold him a brand new boat for $100,000.00, then the man told me that he didn't have any way to tow the boat so I took him to the auto show room and sold him a brand new truck and trailer for $50,000.00" "Wow!" the manager exclaimed "That's impressive, how did you sell all of that to a man who just came in to buy one fish hook?" The boy replied "Oh, he didn't come in to buy a fish hook, he came in to buy tampons for his wife and when he asked me what isle they were on, I said "Well heck, since your weekend is shot, why don't you go fishing?"
    We never really grow up, we only learn
    how to act in public

  8. #8

    Wink One for the Ladies!

    One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think .
    We never really grow up, we only learn
    how to act in public

  9. #9

    Default

    Guy comes home from a weekend fishing trip with his buds. Tells his wife fishing was terrible because of the bad weather, and how he suffered. Then he complains that she forgot to pack his spare socks.

    She looks at him a moment and sezz: "But honey. I packed them in your tackle box."

  10. #10
    Member Queen of Kings's Avatar
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    A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
    The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
    "Pet fish?" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?" "Well, What?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH."
    "What fish?" the man asked
    2003 220 Hewescraft Sea Runner 115 Yam'y, Soft Top "Schmidt Happens"

  11. #11

    Default

    AKFG trooper comes upon a man fishing on the side of the Anchor River. "Hello, can I see your fishing license?"
    "I don't have one" said the man.
    "I'll have to write you a ticket then." The trooper writes the fisherman a ticket and explains it to him, but the man continues to fish. "You have to stop fishing now withouth a license." says the trooper. The man angrily reels in and throws his rod down. When the trooper sees nothing but a magnet on the end of his line, he says, "you're not fishing. What kind of idiot are you? Give me that ticket back." The trooper takes the ticket back and tears it up and leaves.
    The fisherman mumbles, "the dummy doesn't know anything about steelhead fishing".
    Hike faster. I hear banjo music.

  12. #12
    Supporting Member bullbuster's Avatar
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    Default The Laundry

    A Norwegian couple had been married for many years. As it is with such things they had developed a pet name to use when one of them wanted to fool around. The pet name was the "laundry".
    So one night Ole was feeling kinda randy and asked Helga if maybe they could "do the laundry". Helga wasn't feeling up to it and told Ole, "Not t'night dear, the washing machine, she's got a headache".
    Ole, not being the talkative type, didn't say anything and simply rolled over.
    After a bit of thinking, Helga decided that Ole wasn't asking too much and turned to him. "Ole, the washing machine, she's feeling better and is willing to do the laundry".
    Ole, looked over his shoulder and said,"That's OK dear, 'twas a small load so I did 'er by hand."
    Live life and love it
    Love life and live it

  13. #13
    Member Anglette's Avatar
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    The difference between a fairy tale and a fish story is a fairy tail begins, "Once upon a time..." and a fish story begins, " This ain't no bull****..."

  14. #14
    Member preed's Avatar
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    ok here goes....

    there are two guys kicking back in a boat in the middle of lake. with nothing happening one guy looks over at the other and says "hey you wanna go to a party tonight?" the other guy responds "well i dunno, what kind of party is it?" the first guy replies "oh its going to be a great party! theres going to be lots of cussing, drinking, fighting and __________!" ... "wow!" says the second guy "what should i wear?" first guy responds "oh dont worry about that, its just gonna be me and you."
    Last edited by Daveinthebush; 10-02-2008 at 15:17. Reason: language

  15. #15
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    A guy's out fishing with no luck. A game warden approaches him and asks if he's having any luck. The guy tells him, " no, no luck at all", the game warden says, "well you should have been here yesterday!", the guy says, "yeah, that's what they always say", the game warden says, "no, you really should have been here yesterday, that's when the season ended"

  16. #16
    Member coho slayer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queen of Kings View Post
    A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
    The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
    "Pet fish?" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?" "Well, What?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH."
    "What fish?" the man asked
    I actually know a guy who did something like that on the Kenai when caught with too many reds years ago, probably late 70's...got away with it, too. He didn't have a really dumb Trooper, he just threw his whole stringer into the river and said "what fish?"

    For the record, I do NOT condone that...

  17. #17
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    Default can i ask you a question?

    when smoking a spring salmon, is it possible to use jalepeno peppers to add a little spice or how would one go about making the fish a little peppier??

  18. #18
    Member alaskachuck's Avatar
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    Ummmmmmm Add more pepper or did I just totally go blonde and miss the punch line there
    Grandkids, Making big tough guys hearts melt at first sight

  19. #19
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    What does a fish say when it runs into a concrete wall?
    Dam

  20. #20
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    What does a fish say when it runs into a concrete wall?

    Dam

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