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Thread: Squirrels I Have Known...

  1. #1
    webmaster Michael Strahan's Avatar
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    Default Squirrels I Have Known...

    I told you so! Nooooo you guys all thought it was one huge joke, but here at last I am vindicated. CHECK THIS LINK for details on a horrific squirrel rampage that happened recently, leaving picnikers savaged, physically abused and mentally traumatized. I warned you months ago about this (HERE'S THE LINK), but most of you failed to take me seriously. Well, there you go. HERE'S ANOTHER LINK to my vast wealth of knowledge of this subject. No thanks are necessary.

    Now... perhaps a thread on the best firearm for squirrel protection. Or maybe I can get my friend Larry Kaniut to do something on "Alaska Squirrel Tales". Hmmm... that's it. Maybe then someone will take this seriously.

    Take a good look at the attached photo, and if it doesn't send chills up and down your spine, you're either ignorant or a complete idiot. Thoughts that come to me are... is it a bluff charge or are there cubs nearby? Will he climb the tree or go up my pant leg? Is he gonna chatter before he charges, or come in silently but deadly? When I go to bed tonight, will he be in the bottom of my sleeping bag waiting to maul my bare feet? This is serious business, folks.

    Children and grown men alike are at risk.

    -Mike
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    LOST CREEK COMPANY: Specializing in Alaska hunt consultation and planning for do-it-yourself hunts, fully outfitted hunts, and guided hunts.
    CLICK HERE to send me a private message.
    Web Address: http://alaskaoutdoorssupersite.com/hunt-planner/
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    "Dream big, and dare to fail." -Norman Vaughan
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  2. #2
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    You know Mike, it all makes sense now. With the bear issues on the kenai right now, I think the squirrals are pushing them out of there area. I have seen an increase of the furry little devils. I wonder if pepper spray would work? I sure would hate to wound one with a big bore. hmmm....I might just stay in town, seems safer here.

  3. #3

    Default Wild Beasts Roam The Land.....

    The elusive Alaskan red squirrel, they attack with a vicious ferocity seldom seen by few. Look into the eyes and you can see a fire burning on plane with a million BTU wood stove. I carry nothing less than my 12 guage mossberg pistol grip shotgun strapped to my back packed full of double-0 buckshot and slugs while mowing the lawn. Any modern handgun simply gives nothing more than a false sense of insecurity when dealing with these savage man eating beasts face to face.
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    Gremlin,
    smart man using a slice of pizza to keep the beast distracted so you could get away. Do you think a shotgun is enough?

  5. #5

    Default

    I wonde.... Hehehe
    I really think... LOL
    I can't stop laughing.
    Thanks guys!
    Mike
    Mike
    www.alaskaatvclub.org
    There is a faster way off the mountain, might hurt a little though.

  6. #6
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    Mike Echo, this isnt a laughing matter. Imagine with me, your on the russian and the twin brother of that brown bear shot on hitchenbrook (you know the 17ft, 1600lber) is running at you. You find out its just running from the squirrel, and the bear is bringing it in your direction. its life or death, we have to get the correct info out. Do you play dead? or just start blazing away? (wink)

  7. #7
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    I remember shooting one of those viscious little SOB's with a 30-06 loaded with 220 grain roundnose when I lived in Sitka. All I could find was the nose and the tail.

  8. #8

    Default XXX squirrels question

    Regarding the xxx video post after Mike's 2004 post:

    "(Tamiasciurus hudsonicus), The alaskan red Squirrel
    Most squirrels mature sexually at approximately 11 months of age. Their reproductive anatomy is similar to that of other mammals.This is exciting news for all you Squirrel lovers. Now you can have the video in....................
    Tamiasciurus hudsonicus Gone Wild!
    Yes watch these little red haired Varmints in XXX raw action.
    $49.99
    Video length 11 seconds"

    Posted by "Barron" Dec 10 2004



    Not into mature squirrels. Got any "Barely Legal" Videos?
    Last edited by bowshootr; 08-15-2006 at 11:05.

  9. #9
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    untitled16_rs.jpg

    This beast didnt look dangerous but once again not knowing about cubs, I wasnt sure. Turns out he chased me for a couple hundred yards and proceded to kick the snot our of me. Turns out I stepped on his nuts, go figure. Man oh man be ware of wolves in sheeps colthing.

  10. #10
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    Watched this seemingly cute joker catch and eat a bird. Catlike reflexes. Blew my mind!
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  11. #11

    Default I know it's serious!

    I was obviously laughing in terror, an unfortunate symptom I get when I'm scared silly.
    I do have to admit that most of the charges I've had from animals has been from this species. Luckily all have been bluff charges (to date anyway, I am here to write about them). There was the one that ran over my foot, somehow avoiding inflicting serious damage on anything other than my pride.
    Mike
    Mike
    www.alaskaatvclub.org
    There is a faster way off the mountain, might hurt a little though.

  12. #12
    webmaster Michael Strahan's Avatar
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    Default Uh huh

    Quote Originally Posted by AlleninAlaska
    I remember shooting one...All I could find was the nose and the tail.
    What if THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO THINK? Eh? Ever think of that? We're not messing around here; we're talking about one of the most serious threats in the Alaska wilderness. A clever beast scarcely larger than a common house cat, yet with the ferocity of a gut-shot she-grizz with three newborn cubs.

    They have been known to drag their dead off the trail at night just in the interest of stealth, so it would be nothing for them to leave behind an old tail or the odd nose now and then. Just to lure you deeper into the woods so they could spring their ambush. You were most fortunate you got away with the rest of the pizza, is all I can say.

    -Mike
    LOST CREEK COMPANY: Specializing in Alaska hunt consultation and planning for do-it-yourself hunts, fully outfitted hunts, and guided hunts.
    CLICK HERE to send me a private message.
    Web Address: http://alaskaoutdoorssupersite.com/hunt-planner/
    Mob: 1 (907) 229-4501
    "Dream big, and dare to fail." -Norman Vaughan
    "I have climbed my mountain, but I must still live my life." - Tenzig Norgay

  13. #13
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    Default Squirrel with a "tude"



    When you see juvie squirrels with this sort of attitude, they usually go rogue by the time they reach maturity.
    I understand that the governor's office is looking into instituting proactive measures to deal with the increasing rogue squirrel problem and may initiate an aerial hunt to keep breeding numbers down. If a sucessful aerial hunt is established, I understand that Rockey & Bullwinkle are ready to start a letter writing campaign to encourage tourists to spend their vacation dollars in Frostbite Falls, rather than Alaska next year.
    Gary

  14. #14

    Default Sciurophobia

    I was wondering if a .700 Nitro Express would offer enough protection from this monster. I do not suffer from Sciurophobia, I just want to be prepared.

  15. #15
    Member 8x57 Mauser's Avatar
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    Default Under-gunned

    Anton,

    I may whip up a maelstrom here, but I don't believe there's anything in the NE line of cartridges that is adequate for Alaska squirrels.

    These ferocious animals are not only extraordinarily dangerous, they're also ungodly quick. You need a weapon that points easily and can be brought on target quickly to protect yourself against their darting, hopping movements -- especially as they prepare to charge.

    Unfortunately, there is no shotgun or light-barreled rifle in the world with adequate stopping power for the Alaska squirrel. That's why I elect to go with personal defense weapons that have an area effect. I've recently contacted some interesting fellows headquartered overseas to restock my supply of rocket-propelled grenades for squirrel defense.

    And I think one of them is knocking at the door now... Only, what's that he's saying about a search warrant? Hmmmm.... Perhaps I'll write more later.

  16. #16

    Default M134

    Maybe a Dillon minigun would get the job done. It is rather difficult to carry one along with your fishing gear though. 3000 rds a minute may not stop them, but it might just confuse them long enough for me to get away.

  17. #17
    Member Darreld Walton's Avatar
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    Default Other theories...

    One theory advanced by a Mr. Tim Bedore is that there is a conspiracy throughout the animal kingdom, evidenced by the attack of Big Head Carp against fishermen in the Mississippi river. His thoughts include the notion that squirrels provide surveillance for the larger species, that they hate mankind, and wish in the end for us to disappear from the planet.
    He also calls for immediate action, perhaps involvement by the U.N., but that if need be, we go it alone.
    Are thermonuclear weapons an unreasonable response?

  18. #18
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    Default You make me sick!!!!

    You people make me sick you do not even know the names of our native wildlife. The pics you have posted are two diffent animals. The ones in the trees are Tree Grizzly's the one's on the ground are Lowbush Caribou ! All my boys by the time they where two knew the diffrence.

  19. #19

    Default

    I think the observations about the quickness of the little monsters are right on. The solution sounds like the mini-gun mounted on a backpack (pointed to the rear of course, I am being serious here, not suicidal). Besides using the direction of my exit attempt as the aiming system the recoil should assist my acceleration.
    It shouldn't interfere with fishing or hunting gear at all, could be a mite heavy but worth it for the peace of mind.
    For the trigger I might work out a voice actuated system, maybe use the high pitch of the scream a charge brings out in me for the trigger.
    Whats the number for the Patent Office again?
    Mike
    Mike
    www.alaskaatvclub.org
    There is a faster way off the mountain, might hurt a little though.

  20. #20

    Default Quote

    "Their claws and paws will not hurt me..."

    T.T.

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