About a week ago old EKC hit the big five-0. Now that didn't phase me much however the Mrs who can quote crap out of "The Family Medical Journal" as well as most of us can recite load data went on red alert. She had colon cancer fresh on the brain so that was automaticly the next thing old EKC was fixen to git! Any of you ever done one of them there colon cleanse deals? Me neither. Mother insisted and she were'nt gonna have it no other way. I said I ain't doin it and there ain't no way yer gonna make me. So any ways about an hour after I ate them three horse pills and drank that half gallon of water things started to happen. My normal routine under less stressful situations is to head to my throne in the basement where stacked on both sides of the pot within arms reach are hundreds of shooting magazines, catalogs from Brownells, Cabela's, Midway USA, several loading manuals and even a copy of "Hell I Was There" by Elmer Keith himself.
On this particular occasion the rumble in my gut hit like a Kansas tornado and I knew there weren't no gittin to the basement in time. So I beat feet for mothers powder room at the end of the hall, undoing my britches on the way. Once inside I plunked down on her pristine little orvature(made that word up) and......nothing. The pressure was still there so there was no likely hood of transplanting to the basement. So there I was stranded in what smelled like a cat house ready room surrounded by womens magazines that had feminine product adds on every page. One even had a picture of Ophra's ugly mug on it and from my angle it looked like she was staring at me. I was tempted to show her my backside but ended just laying the magazine face down on the floor, like that would actually smother her.
What now? I knew I could be there for hours so I put my elbows on my knees and rested my jaw in my hands and prepared for the long haul. Ya know kinda like when your sitting on stand and there ain't much happening or when the guest preacher at church is coming off a 6 month dry spell and he's on his third go-around of sayin the same thing. You gotta come up with something to occupy your mind! So off into la la land I went (I'm bettin that I ain't the only one that does my best thinkin when on the pot).
My thoughts went to which of my rifles are the most relevant to all hunting needs on this continent. Should it be a three, four or five rifle battery. Right off I knew my two favorite rifles wouldn't make the cut. A 1894 in 44 mag and a Remington 514 in 22 were designed to be shot with open sights. Thats fine and dandy except for the fact that my eyes will not focus well enough to make the front and rear sights work together anymore, thus these two guns that have been with me since my boyhood are out of the running. They will now become keepsakes for my one and only son.
My contemplating resulted in the following 5 rifle battery. First I chose to go with my Ruger 77 in 17 Hmr(Weaver K6 fine crosshair) for the small stuff. I know they are a little loud for in town cat work so I'll just wear ear plugs! Smile! Squirrel hunting is a passion of mine and nothing fills that nitch better than the 17 Hmr. Second would be my Ruger mini 14 ( Universal 4X fine crosshair) in of course 223. I love to put on the whites after a new snowfall and pick up a set of fresh coyote tracks and walk him out and fire away when he jumps! Third, my new in 1977 Ruger 77 in 243(Redfield 3x9x40). It works great for sniping coyotes that are spotted all curled up fast asleep on a distant snow drift. This would also be my small deer gun...up to whitetails. Fourth my Bruno 98 30-06(Redfield 4X) would handle almost anything else that the lower 48 has to offer with the exception being bison. Finally rifle number 5 is my old tang safety Ruger 77 in 338 winchester mag (Redfield 1 3/4x 5) for stuff that would have a tendency to eat or stomp me.
About now is where I snapped back to reality and realized that there hadn't been any blood flow to my legs for nigh onto a half hour but then mommas crapper ain't equipped with one of them cushy mossy oak camo toilet seats like mine.