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Thread: So a pirate walked into a tavern....

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    Sponsor potbuilder's Avatar
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    Default So a pirate walked into a tavern....

    SO A PIRATE WALKED INTO A TAVERN....

    and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. What happened? You look terrible."

    "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

    "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

    "Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

    The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

    The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

    "What about that eye patch?"

    "Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye."

    "You're kidding!" said the bartender. "You don't lose an eye just from bird ****."

    "It was my first day with the hook."

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    Member AKluvr95's Avatar
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    A parrot and a pirate were sailing on a ship and the ship ran aground and sank...

    The pirate was was holding on to some planks to stay afloat.

    The parrot took refuge in the crows nest which came to rest well above the water's surface.

    The parrot looks down at the pirate and says..."how's your hole?"
    The pirate says..."shut up!"

    The parrot says..."mine too ~ must be the salt water." Ah, Ha, ha, ha....

    Seriously ~ I must have been only about 5-years old when I was first told that joke.

  3. #3
    Member patrickL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by potbuilder View Post
    SO A PIRATE WALKED INTO A TAVERN....

    and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. What happened? You look terrible."

    "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

    "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

    "Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

    The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

    The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

    "What about that eye patch?"

    "Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye."

    "You're kidding!" said the bartender. "You don't lose an eye just from bird ****."

    "It was my first day with the hook."
    Now this is a thread we should keep going all winter. Thanks for the laughs.

  4. #4
    Member Grizzly Man's Avatar
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    Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

    Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

    Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

    As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!
    "What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? --Jack Handy

  5. #5
    Member Rob B's Avatar
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    A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To his amazement, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Just great. Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
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