The Divorceless Marriage
First of all marriage is coming together and staying together, a welding. That’s what it means and that’s what it is. Marriage is a covenant, a promise, a contract that is null and void when that contract is breached. Divorce then, marriage’s antithesis, is a breaking away, a dissolution an undoing.
We have to operate on the premise that despite the line “there goes my next ex-wife,” nobody enters into marriage intending to get divorced. In fact, that would not be marriage as the bond would not be a welding and becoming one, it would be a temporary meeting up and hanging out. So let’s assume we want our marriages to last.
We have all heard loads of advice about marriage, but few if any ever go far enough and get to the heart of the matter. The essential elements of marriage are first a shared destination, second trust, third service, fourth time, and fifth equality.
It should be obvious that if you aren’t going to the same place, you are inevitably going to split in two, usually in quite a catastrophic manner.
Trust is huge. So many resentments are built upon a shaky foundation of distrust that volumes have been written directly and indirectly about it. Without it jealousies can, do, and should form. With trust comes comfort, peace, and a contentment that insures security and stability.
Service builds love, plain and simple. If you serve your spouse your love will grow and so will theirs. Without it your love is and will remain toxic. No service is too small to matter, nor too large to be worth undertaking.
Time is easy to neglect in the modern world. Everything else competes for attention. Fact is that you either grow together or apart at every given moment. A relationship is never static; it always moves one way or the other. If you dedicate your life to your work, then your spouse better as well or you will not share a common destination and your divided loyalties will violate the trust inevitably. If at all possible work should be a shared or home based enterprise. You cannot dedicate 10 hours a day to a corporation, 8 to sleep, 1 to errands, and expect the other 5 to be the ruling force in your life. Time is the currency of life and how you spend it explains your values without deception.
Couples who are unequally yoked cannot remain stable. Eventually one will progress in the graces faster than the other and the divide will act as a drag on the better person. If you are one this won’t happen. If you are truly charitable this won’t happen. Make sure you do your part and make sure they do theirs for their sake and yours! Your parts don’t have to be (nor should they be) the same, but they do have to be equal overall.
Do these five things well and you will in fact have a divorceless marriage, guaranteed.