Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 24

Thread: Family matters

  1. #1
    Member jcorwin4278's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    North Pole, Alaska, United States
    Posts
    360

    Default Family matters

    I just wanted everyone to know that I will not be here for awhile. Due to some unforeseen family issues, mainly my wife asking me for a divorce, I am taking some time to go back to Ohio to figure things out and to be close to my family. Thanks to all who has helped me through the years and I hope to hear from you all soon.
    Hunt until you don't like it any more

  2. #2
    Member AlaskaTrueAdventure's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Paradise (Alaska)
    Posts
    1,543

    Default

    jcorwin, Best wishes while on your journey........AlaskaTrue


    The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

    TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.
    Imagine (It's easy if you try)
    …miles and miles of mountains…wide expanses of tundra...remote wild waters…
    (Whisper words of wisdom) Let It Be

  3. #3
    Supporting Member Amigo Will's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Wrangell
    Posts
    7,602

    Default

    Been there and done that.Best of luck and hopefully you will be back soon.
    Now left only to be a turd in the forrest and the circle will be complete.Use me as I have used you

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Missoula, MT
    Posts
    448

    Default

    Best wishes. J.

  5. #5
    Member 1Cor15:19's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Dillingham, AK
    Posts
    2,482

    Default

    Grace and peace to you and your family.
    Foolishness is a moral category, not an intellectual one.

  6. #6
    Member cdubbin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    KP, the dingleberry of Alaska
    Posts
    1,751

    Default

    Good luck, J; I'm pretty much in the same boat, I can sympathize. Keep yer chin up, hope to see ya back here someday.
    "– Gas boats are bad enough, autos are an invention of the devil, and airplanes are worse." ~Allen Hasselborg

  7. #7
    Member tboehm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Soldotna AK
    Posts
    2,408

    Default

    Thats a tough thing to face and swallow. Will say a prayer for you and your family.
    Semper Fi and God Bless

  8. #8
    Member broncoformudv's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Anchorage, Alaska
    Posts
    4,670

    Default

    Good luck I hope things work out for you one way or another.

  9. #9
    Member mainer_in_ak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Delta Junction
    Posts
    4,078

    Default

    Many of us have been there bro. ALWAYS BE THE BIGGER PERSON. Don't let hurt turn to hate, or let hurt turn to bad decisions. If you don't trust yourself and your decisions, keep in mind all the folks who love you and look up to you. If that don't work, don't go unattended, and choose somebody who will be there to keep you out of trouble, like a friend, an uncle, or your father until things cool down. I wouldn't wish a divorce on my worst enemy.

    My prayers with you sir.

  10. #10
    Member Smokey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Central Illinois
    Posts
    3,334

    Default

    +1 for what Mainer said - we can't re-live yesterday, but sure can look ahead to tomorrow! Time heals many wounds...
    Best of luck jcorwin to all concerned!
    Randy
    When asked what state I live in I say "The State of Confusion", better known as IL....

  11. #11
    Moderator LuJon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Palmer, AK
    Posts
    11,415

    Default

    Tough deal for sure. Somewhere around here in a dusty filing cabinet there is a copy of an unsigned divorce decree for my wife and I that was written up back in 2006 and never delivered to the county courts. Several weeks of hashing out a myriad of things and a whole lot of swallowing my pride and listening. It was the single most emotionally draining period of my life but as we came through it we both made some key vows that we have stood by and changed our dynamic drastically.

    First is to realize that things must be important to you if they are important to your spouse. Minimizing each others wants/needs/desires will kill a marriage like it will kill any team. It is amazingly uplifting to have a partner that helps you plan and achieve your goals. We make it a point now to sit down and prioritize things together but EVERYTHING gets put out there and we both regularly realize that things we want don't rank as high as we thought they did once we started ranking them. For instance, my wife wanted to complete school and I wanted to go hunt my DCUA tag. After a lot of talking I ate the DCUA tag and continued to work overseas so we could afford her education and she was able to complete school. The following year she fully supported me flying out to the Brooks range.

    There is no "Winning" an argument with your spouse. I was a precision litigator when it came to crushing my wife verbally early in our relationship. I had a list of her "shortcomings" to draw from and could fire them off in a combo of punches that would have put Evander Holyfield on the mat even at his peak. In the end all I "won" was hurting my wife. What's ironic is that when I realized what I was doing and stopped attacking her it formed a power shift and I got to take the brunt of her wrath for about a year. That is actually what phase immediately preceded us nearly getting divorced. The positive is once it all came to a head it gave me solid ground to bring her over to and proof that I wasn't doing things as I had in the past. In truth I deserved to bear the brunt of some of her hurt.

    It's OK to be wrong! If your coach as a kid told you that you ran the wrong route, blocked the wrong person, ran the wrong play you would listen and learn from it. If your spouse is upset about something it is not time to fight but rather discuss and figure out how you BOTH can get through it together.

    Learn to let each other be mad and realize it is normal. Marriage is supposed to be for life so not everything needs to be solved right away, we shouldn't ignore problems but contrary to popular believe they don't all need to be decided before bed!! It took a bunch of years for my wife to realize that I occasionally get in a bad mood and it has absolutely nothing to do with her! The problem is that when she would get on edge due to my moodiness then it would lead to an argument. I finally broke it down and make it a point now to just let her know I am in a crummy mood and it has nothing to do with her but I would appreciate some slack/space while I work through it. I also make it a point to tell her I will talk with her about it when I have it worked out in my head. The same thing happens with her and some times it is best just to leave them alone. Saying things like "I know you are upset, is there anything I can do to help, or do you just need some space?" is a good way to diffuse these situations.

    In the end it is just being on the same team. My wife and I are extremely happy and have been for the last 6 years which only seems to be getting better. One thing I think though that was a key factor in our relationship coming back from the brink is that we were always faithful and though we fought like cats and dogs for several years we never wondered. I have a ton of respect for couples who have managed to work through infidelity issues but I don't think I could honestly be that strong.

    Sorry for the rant... We all have to pick our own road in life and this may be something you can't fix. I know for a moment I looked into my wife's eyes and couldn't find any love there. In the end I found there was still a spark but at that hopeless moment I thought it was all over and that nothing I cold say or do would change it. Hardest thing I have ever dealt with!!

    Again sorry for the editorial, just trying to give some insight from a guy that traveled way further down this road and still managed to pull out of it and not just salvage a marriage but make it into what it needed to be. As they say the finest hardest steel is forged by fire!

  12. #12
    Member MTBrownBearHunter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Helena, Montana
    Posts
    110

    Default

    Nice post and good advice, LuJon.

    My sympathies, JCorwin, been on the brink myself and had many of the same experiences as LuJon.

    I would suggest doing everything in your power to try to reconcile if that is what you want. It ain't over until it's over.

  13. #13
    Member RainGull's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    The S.E. of the N.W.
    Posts
    950

    Default

    Good thoughts. Hopefully not too little too late. Something similar I read recently:
    The Divorceless Marriage

    First of all marriage is coming together and staying together, a welding. That’s what it means and that’s what it is. Marriage is a covenant, a promise, a contract that is null and void when that contract is breached. Divorce then, marriage’s antithesis, is a breaking away, a dissolution an undoing.
    We have to operate on the premise that despite the line “there goes my next ex-wife,” nobody enters into marriage intending to get divorced. In fact, that would not be marriage as the bond would not be a welding and becoming one, it would be a temporary meeting up and hanging out. So let’s assume we want our marriages to last.

    We have all heard loads of advice about marriage, but few if any ever go far enough and get to the heart of the matter. The essential elements of marriage are first a shared destination, second trust, third service, fourth time, and fifth equality.

    Destination
    It should be obvious that if you aren’t going to the same place, you are inevitably going to split in two, usually in quite a catastrophic manner.
    Trust
    Trust is huge. So many resentments are built upon a shaky foundation of distrust that volumes have been written directly and indirectly about it. Without it jealousies can, do, and should form. With trust comes comfort, peace, and a contentment that insures security and stability.
    Service
    Service builds love, plain and simple. If you serve your spouse your love will grow and so will theirs. Without it your love is and will remain toxic. No service is too small to matter, nor too large to be worth undertaking.
    Time
    Time is easy to neglect in the modern world. Everything else competes for attention. Fact is that you either grow together or apart at every given moment. A relationship is never static; it always moves one way or the other. If you dedicate your life to your work, then your spouse better as well or you will not share a common destination and your divided loyalties will violate the trust inevitably. If at all possible work should be a shared or home based enterprise. You cannot dedicate 10 hours a day to a corporation, 8 to sleep, 1 to errands, and expect the other 5 to be the ruling force in your life. Time is the currency of life and how you spend it explains your values without deception.

    Equality
    Couples who are unequally yoked cannot remain stable. Eventually one will progress in the graces faster than the other and the divide will act as a drag on the better person. If you are one this won’t happen. If you are truly charitable this won’t happen. Make sure you do your part and make sure they do theirs for their sake and yours! Your parts don’t have to be (nor should they be) the same, but they do have to be equal overall.
    Do these five things well and you will in fact have a divorceless marriage, guaranteed.
    Science has a rich history of proving itself wrong.

  14. #14
    Member fishingyoda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Palmer
    Posts
    538

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jcorwin4278 View Post
    I just wanted everyone to know that I will not be here for awhile. Due to some unforeseen family issues, mainly my wife asking me for a divorce, I am taking some time to go back to Ohio to figure things out and to be close to my family. Thanks to all who has helped me through the years and I hope to hear from you all soon.
    Sorry to hear man. I've been in the same boat and haven't been on much since. Good luck and be strong

  15. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Kenai
    Posts
    1,888

    Default

    What LuJon said...
    I'm a pastor & have done a lot of marriages, counceled a lot of couples, & seen a lot of divorces.
    I have never seen anyone become a better person because of a divorce. I hope your wife realizes that.
    Fight the fight of your life to make it work...
    Vance in AK.

    Matthew 6:33
    "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

  16. #16
    Member killer instinct's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Anchorage
    Posts
    273

    Default

    Lujon - I couldn't have said it better . I've been married almost 25 yrs and understand completely what you have stated. There was a time a few years ago when the hubby & I were fighting that I thought " I can't do this anymore" and found myself out at Beluga Point sitting in my car crying my eyes out and asking God for help. So I "casted my burden (troubles)" to God & went on from there. I'm still married. Yes, we still disagree. But you realize what's important in your marriage and so you "give & take". I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers tonight.

    Tammy
    Last edited by killer instinct; 05-17-2012 at 22:14. Reason: adding

  17. #17
    Member tboehm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Soldotna AK
    Posts
    2,408

    Default

    jcorwin4278...... You posted something very personal and I know that it's tough. There has been some good advice here so I going to ask you a couple of things. If you don't want to respond i understand. What is the reason for the divorce? Is it something that you can fix and want to fix? I've been married 26 year and there have been some tough times. The Lord blessed me with a very special woman and we survived 20 years of military life style. More often than not most divorces are more the mans fault. Not saying all the blame lies with us or you but LuJon stated it well that swallowing our pride and admitting when we are wrong is one of the toughest things for a man. I would ask and share one other thing. Do you and your suppose attend church at all? If not, give it a try and talk with a pastor. A marriage built on a foundation of the lord is so much stronger. We didn't go much at all, if any for most of our marriage but started 3 years ago and I can tell you that our marriage is so much better and stronger than before. I'm not trying to preach to you but just offering some observations and prayers. I read your Bio and the statement you made there about your wife. More often than not communication is the key to everything!
    Semper Fi and God Bless

  18. #18
    Member Silvertip-CO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    82

    Default

    Stay in AK, get rid of the drag, and go hunting. Enjoy life without a wife.
    svenska50@hotmail.com

    NRA LIFE MEMBER

  19. #19

    Default

    I'm sorry to hear about anyone getting divorced. I've been married 15yrs and know that, at times, it takes work. During those tough times love, compassion and understanding are the foundations I relied upon. I also know that the good Lord has been there all along and has shown me the way to be a better man and a better husband.

    I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck Sir.

  20. #20

    Default

    J. hope all turns out well for you.

    Fred

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •