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Thread: Ok guides your best/worst questions from a guest

  1. #1
    Member Bent fin's Avatar
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    Default Ok guides your best/worst questions from a guest

    ON the ocean''how high above sealevel are we?"

    "are these Island foating or they anchored too the bottom?"

    In alaska "do you take american money?"

    on the west coast of the panhandel "who does the land scaping here?"

    fishing the same spot all day "how deep is it here?" 80ft 5 minuts later same spot "how deep is it here?"80ft 2 minuts later How deep is it here?"80ft 6 minuts later "how deep is it here?" OVER YOUR HEAD "let me show you were the depth sounder is"

    20 years of guiding the same area we get to the spot "you ever cought a fish here?"

    "when do the coho's tern in to king's?"

    "how come all my string is gone"

  2. #2
    Member ak_powder_monkey's Avatar
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    A client who only spoke itialian and german, after driving the same mile of river which our stupid managment only let us fish (I hated that lodge) goes: "ALaska is a big place, no?" I ended up speaking them in spanish mostly because we both know a little bit.
    I choose to fly fish, not because its easy, but because its hard.

  3. #3
    Member Rick P's Avatar
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    Default

    I've gotten some dandy's over the years having guided fly fishing and kayaking in Michigan California and Alaska. Back on the AuSable in Michigan "are we using circle hooks" on a dry fly float.
    In California "Can we pet the seals, sea lions, sea otters" after a 15 min talk about the marine mammals protection act. "Wont that spray skirt trap me in the boat" after a 20 min demo on what to do if you capsize. Lots of misidentified fish. etc....

    But hands down the scariest thing a client ever said to me occurred on the American river in California as we were entering class 3/4 water. "Wow this is more difficult than I thought it would be. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten all those magic mushrooms."

    Rick P

  4. #4

    Default Stupid Questions

    I once had someone tell me that one of there clients asked if the moose eat the salmon too? in all seriousness... i cant even come up with a come back for that one! Another jerk told the same friend, " i come up to a first class river and pay this money and you can't catch my son a fish?" he was a rich snobby doctor from Montana... Like since its Alaska, the fish just are supposed to jump in the boat or something... wow...
    Last edited by Daveinthebush; 03-31-2007 at 17:42.
    <*)))><

  5. #5
    Charterboat Operator
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    Default priceless

    MY FAVORITE AND THE MOST ASKED "whats the elevation" I usually take the time now to climb silently up onto the roof and peer onto the horizon and respond w/ " from up here my best guess would be about 12'"

    best ever, no client, but, one of Alaska's finest pulls up along side the boat, got 4 clients watching 1 guy huffing and puffing on a 180 lb flatty, the officer states " got a full boat today?" told him "I used to have but the 6th guy loaded his pockets w/ lead and went down the line to knock the fish out so his buddy could actually get one to the boat, now were all havin to take turns to get him back up from the bottom!" he actually smiled and said "have a nice day then" and left!

  6. #6

    Default

    I've heard the elevation question a few times as well.
    I used to work for a resort that had a waterfall (natural) right next to the main lodge, the waterfall supplied the resort with water and had a pumphouse next to it, I had a guy ask me how long it took to build the waterfall and was that little house the pump house that carried water to the (top) of the falls, um, no sir, thats the water you've been drinking and showering in.
    I work in southern, southeast Ak. I've been asked numerous times when does the water freeze/thaw, or, will we see any icebergs.
    I had a fish cop pull up about 50' away and ask to see everyone's licenses, my guest all pulled their's out and showed him, then he asked to see mine, I had it with me but it was buried under my raingear so I went in the cabin and fumbled around for a few seconds then quickly held up my tide book, he said thank you and was on his way.

  7. #7
    Member fishNphysician's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AkKings View Post
    I had a fish cop pull up about 50' away and ask to see everyone's licenses, my guest all pulled their's out and showed him, then he asked to see mine, I had it with me but it was buried under my raingear so I went in the cabin and fumbled around for a few seconds then quickly held up my tide book, he said thank you and was on his way.
    Now that's funny!
    "Let every angler who loves to fish think what it would mean to him to find the fish were gone." Zane Grey
    http://www.piscatorialpursuits.com/uploads/UP12710.jpg
    The KeenEye MD

  8. #8
    Member CanCanCase's Avatar
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    Default

    In Cross Sound and with all seriousness: "What's the name of this lake?"
    "Do you turn the waterfalls off at night?"
    "I know you take American money here, but what's that purple bill he's holding up? Is that Alaskan currency?" (yes...it's a $20 Amex traveller's cheque!)
    Kayaking on Mendenhall Lake near the glacier: "Where are the humpback whales?" Then after I explained that whales lived in the ocean, not in a lake, they asked, "Oh... but when do they run up the river to spawn here?"
    Observing a smelly beach littered with pink and chum remains, "Will the cops write you a ticket for all that littering? Doesn't it attract the bears?"
    At 5-Finger Lighthouse in 2004: "Did they put this lighthouse here after the Exxon Valdez hit this reef?"
    I once had a guy ask if he could use his own rod and reel to catch silvers. When I said "sure!" he got out his mickey mouse 4' baitcaster (I mean the reel had ears... and Mickey painted on it!) and threw the line in the water. I didn't want him to feel too bad, so I got out my daughter's Tweety Bird rod. We both hooked up big fish at the same time, and we both broke our rods at the same time too.

    -Case
    M/V CanCan - 34' SeaWolf - Bandon, OR
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Moderator Daveinthebush's Avatar
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    Default Play nice

    Lets play nice people. Watch the language and such. While you fishermen were having fun here: I puller the boat out of the snow, changed all fluids in the boats motor and filters, greased everything, Reconnected the batteries, added fuel treatment, mounted the kicker motor, cut my finger, started to clean the hull, changed the inline filter, removed the old zincs.......and threw the ball for the dog. I am getting ready......

    Vietnam - June 70 - Feb. 72
    Cancer from Agent Orange - Aug. 25th 2012
    Cancer Survivor - Dec. 14th 2012

  10. #10
    Member ak_powder_monkey's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CanCanCase View Post
    I once had a guy ask if he could use his own rod and reel to catch silvers. When I said "sure!" he got out his mickey mouse 4' baitcaster (I mean the reel had ears... and Mickey painted on it!) and threw the line in the water. I didn't want him to feel too bad, so I got out my daughter's Tweety Bird rod. We both hooked up big fish at the same time, and we both broke our rods at the same time too.

    -Case
    What those broke????


    Bucky Fighting a king
    I choose to fly fish, not because its easy, but because its hard.

  11. #11
    Moderator Daveinthebush's Avatar
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    Default Ok guides your best/worst questions from a guest

    I deleated all of the off topic posts in this thread. I recieved more complaints on this than any other thread so far. Stay on topic please and no bashing anyone.

    The topic is: Ok guides your best/worst questions from a guest?

    Anything off topic and I will delete it.

    Vietnam - June 70 - Feb. 72
    Cancer from Agent Orange - Aug. 25th 2012
    Cancer Survivor - Dec. 14th 2012

  12. #12
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    Default Puting it in print...

    The contibutors to this thread are learning what those who write for a living already know:

    'We sure can't please everyone, but we can darn well try!"

    This is a great forum, but at times it can be a tough one...

    http://www.alaskanauthor.com

  13. #13

    Default

    "Are you an Alaskan resident?"

  14. #14
    Member ak_powder_monkey's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by amp View Post
    "Are you an Alaskan resident?"
    for most guides out west the answer is no
    I choose to fly fish, not because its easy, but because its hard.

  15. #15

    Default 503

    You have to dial a "503" area code if you want to pay to fish out there.

  16. #16
    Member Rick P's Avatar
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    AMP
    Yes have been for many years. My son was born here and I don't ever plan on leaving.

  17. #17
    Member ak_powder_monkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amp View Post
    You have to dial a "503" area code if you want to pay to fish out there.
    is 503 in texas somewhere ?
    I choose to fly fish, not because its easy, but because its hard.

  18. #18
    webmaster Michael Strahan's Avatar
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    Default Quotes from clients-

    (after a brief description of Mt. Mckinley- height, history, etc.) "Well.. how much does it weigh?"

    (After explaining how much a raft weighs to a customer) "Okay, so how much does it weigh fully inflated?" To that I explained that it was rather complicated to calclate, because of the diminishing tubes in the bow and stern. But the boat is inflated at three pounds per square inch "... so you can see why we usually deflate our rafts before we fly them out in small aircraft." The client nodded thoughtfully and agreed that this was the best choice.

    -Mike
    LOST CREEK COMPANY: Specializing in Alaska hunt consultation and planning for do-it-yourself hunts, fully outfitted hunts, and guided hunts.
    CLICK HERE to send me a private message.
    Web Address: http://alaskaoutdoorssupersite.com/hunt-planner/
    Mob: 1 (907) 229-4501
    "Dream big, and dare to fail." -Norman Vaughan
    "I have climbed my mountain, but I must still live my life." - Tenzig Norgay

  19. #19

    Unhappy 503

    503- Oregon- home to about a third of the Nushagak guides-

  20. #20

    Smile whoops

    I meant two-thirds

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