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Thread: How to Prepare for Snowmachining

  1. #1

    Default How to Prepare for Snowmachining

    1 Go to your local snowmobile dealer,smile and give the first guy you see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular basis.

    2 fill a 45-gallon barrel with sand.Lower it into a hole.Nowlift it out. If you can, add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per day. This will get your back in shape for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.

    3 Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm until the pain meets somewhere in the middle of your back. This gets you in shape for starting your bud's sled, which he conveniently forgot was out of gas.It's best to do this exercise while someone is spraying starting fluid into your noes and eyes also.

    4 Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with strong laxative. Dres with long underwear,wool pants,snowmobile bibs,insulated boots and heavy coat.

    Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a personal emergency.This will get you prepared for the Beer ****s that come out of nowhere, and at the wrong time.

    5 Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep freeze. Now climb in the dep freeze,shut the lid and overhaul it holding a pen light in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing cold and black of night.Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool.

    6 Dress up in your new $350. snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all over the front.Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to dance.This will prepare her for the stops at all of the local bars during a ride.

    7 Put on a Balaclave and a full-face. Attempt to drink hot chocolate through the opening.Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn tractor over in the nearest farmer's plowed field.

    8 Find a place where you can pay $6.50 a gallon for regular gas; $19.99 per gallon of oil ; $16.00 for a Hamburger and frozen French Fries ; $3 for a coke and $160 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the mattress. Stay for two nights minimum. This this will prepare you on yhe high cost of your future winter trips.

    9 Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a $70,000 truck to pull the four $20,000 sleds on your $15,000 trailer that you still owe $50,000 on. Now, you are 50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and ride your sled. Happy Riding !!!!!!

  2. #2
    Member akjeff's Avatar
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    Thanks. I needed a laugh today. You are spot on and hilarious.

  3. #3
    Premium Member denalihunter's Avatar
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    Hey, you've been on one of Erik in AK's rides too! Congrats! heh heh!

    Only correction... gas is only $6.00 at Alpine Creek....
    Experience Real Alaska! www.alpinecreeklodge.com

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    Hilariously accurate!

  5. #5
    Member alaskabliss's Avatar
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    That is some funny but very true stuff

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    Member akaviator's Avatar
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    That's some funny stuff. Thanks for the laugh!

  7. #7
    Member Erik in AK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by denalihunter View Post
    Hey, you've been on one of Erik in AK's rides too! Congrats! heh heh!

    Only correction... gas is only $6.00 at Alpine Creek....
    That's not fair. We don't spill drinks on my rides.
    If cave men had been trophy hunters the Wooly Mammoth would be alive today

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    Supporting Member Old John's Avatar
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    Sadly, each of those 9 items reminds me of a particular time or trip... Of course now I can look back and smile...
    Thanks for the chuckle Big Bend....

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    haha nice outlook!

  10. #10
    Member HMWHC1's Avatar
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    Funnist stuff and true. Got to love this. Thanks for the laugh. My RIBS are broken.

  11. #11
    Member cjustinm's Avatar
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    im sitting in a ****ty airport in southern california dying to get back home. this made my day.

  12. #12
    Member JOAT's Avatar
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    Peppermint? No way! Hot Dam cinnamon is the only way to go. I kinda remember this one time when we had to eat all the red snow after tumbling off the sled and spilling half a flask full from laughing so hard when my buddy tried to jump a stump and instead crashed into it, nearly breaking his leg. The best stuff always happens after the words, "here, hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin"
    Winter is Coming...

    Go GeocacheAlaska!

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    if you have no access to a stiff spring you can use my 4 wheeler or snow machine, the 4 wheeler with all the compression will get your shoulder/hands ready for having the cord ripped out of your hands from said built compression, the snow machine will get your shoulder toned and strengthen up for when your buddy forgets to tell you he is out of gas. WARNING: by the end of winter one shoulder will get bigger than the other, so it is advised to use your right arm occasionally if you are a model.....
    Eccleasties 8:11 Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed quickly, There for the hearts of the sons of men among them are given fully to do evil.

  14. #14

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    Time to get in shape once again . We don't need a bunch of out of condition guys out there !!!!!!!

  15. #15
    Member Jimw's Avatar
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    ....or your buddy that has left his sled outside for a week at -20 degrees and cant figure out why he can pull it over enough for it to start. Now is arms are 3 inches longer thenwhen he started this morning and his coat no longer fits
    2005 20' Weldcraft Sabre XL 350 MP
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    Member Dirtofak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JOAT View Post
    Peppermint? No way! Hot Dam cinnamon is the only way to go. I kinda remember this one time when we had to eat all the red snow after tumbling off the sled and spilling half a flask full from laughing so hard when my buddy tried to jump a stump and instead crashed into it, nearly breaking his leg. The best stuff always happens after the words, "here, hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin"
    Must be a newby.... ever hear of Fireball?
    I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
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    Moderator LuJon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Bend View Post
    Time to get in shape once again . We don't need a bunch of out of condition guys out there !!!!!!!
    I prefer to stay round, more padding and it's easier to roll away from the sled when it comes over on you!

  18. #18
    Member IndyCzar's Avatar
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    Round IS a shape...!!!...

  19. #19
    Member Jimw's Avatar
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    who wants a 6 pack when you can have a keg
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